July 7, 2008

Remembering What I Thought I Forgot

by Bob Davis (opent in een nieuw venster Soul Patrol)

Back in the 1970's I was an optimist, as I got older, I became more and more pessimistic. And then, one day, I woke up and decided to start remembering the things that I thought I had forgotten.

I started thinking about what a great time I had as a teenager and as a young twentysomething, back in the 1970's. I thought about all of the wonderful people that I knew at that time and how much of an influence on my life that those people had.

I wondered whatever became of those times and those people. There was indeed a vibe that I shared with those people at that time, which is often difficult to put into words. If you were a person who was there, you know what I am talking about.

There was a universal groove, which often transcended things like race, geography, age and more.

The whole world seemed full of potential, and as a young man I was a believer in that potential. I thought it could really happen. I thought the groove would last forever.

Sometimes I would get confused and wear the wrong clothing, with the wrong group. Even when that happened, it didn't make any difference because I was also wearing my starchild rose colored glasses.

It didn't matter to me. The joints still rolled up the same way and the groove was still positive.
Back in those days, each experience was a learning experience. Later of course, I changed.
I changed in concert with how the world around me changed. The groove became less important. Although I didn't cut my afro, till 1985. The ca$h was slowly becoming the overriding factor.

As the world changed even further, I changed right along with it.

In fact, some people even thought of me as a role model and I was invited to talk with their children in schools and homes, with some hope of influencing them into a more positive direction. I realize today that I had very little impact, but at the time, it made me feel good because I had done it.

Interestingly enough, during this period of time, I lived in BOTH the north and the south. In retrospect, the cultural differences between the two had been largely erased. Of course it made little difference to me as I tooled around both Houston and New York/New Jersey in my sports car that could take sharp curves at 75 mph. and my GQ wardrobe.

Although, by material standards, I may have been considered to be healthy. In fact I was sick.
I can only see that now in retrospect, it was all superficial. Even worse, I was also asleep. I was consumed by a very deep coma. Then one day, in 1993 I started to wake up.

I was at work, sitting at my desk, about to leave to attend yet another "business lunch" where I would once again be the only person of color there, once again to be a "credit to my race" in a forum where it has little context. It was exactly 12:22 pm, and I will never forget that moment.

The giant skyscraper I was in shook. I didn't know what was happening. I could feel the direction it was coming from. Like an idiot, I rushed towards the direction that I could feel. I looked out of the window and saw that the even bigger skyscraper, located right across the street was on fire and that the smoke was pouring out of the parking lot inside of the building. I immediately rushed back to my desk and called my wife and said:

"Something just happened at the World Trade Center, I don't know what it is, but I'm sure it will be on the news, I'm getting the "F" outta here, cuz if I don't leave now, I'll be trapped here..."

I hung up the phone and started to haul azz. I passed co-workers who asked me where I was going and I said: "Same place you should be going." I passed my boss and told her the same thing.

When I got down to the street, there was complete pandemonium. People were running all over the place. The smoke which I had seen earlier now became a very real thing to me. The entrances to the subway stations were blocked off.

I ended up walking from lower Manhattan to the Port Authority Bus Terminal. When I got there I heard a news report that said: "Someone tried to blow up the World Trade Center." 12 people were killed, many more were injured. That was in 1993. And with that event, I began to remember the things that I thought I had forgotten.

And with those memories, I began to wake up from my drunken slumber. The event was a catharsis for me. I can only see that now in retrospect. Vision is always 20/20 in retrospect.

It wasn't long after that event when I built the opent in een nieuw venster very first web page I ever built.

That page is a reflection of where my head was at in 1993. I wanted to say something about the polarities and how the extremes and conflicts of those polarities had impacted me. It hasn't changed very much at all in the 9 years that it has been up on the internet, because "my
head" is still in a similar place. The concept was inspired by someone named Charles Isabel. I have never met him. I have never talked with him. But I feel like I know him.

As the days and weeks passed, there were reports on the news that the people responsible for bombing the World Trade Center had been caught and would be brought to trial. Soon the names and faces would appear on my TV screen and I got angry.

It became clear to me that these people weren't just attacking a building. They were attacking an entire way of life. As I thought about it further, it was a way of life that I also found some conflicts with. These people had the guts to try and destroy an entire way of life, much as I might have also been willing to destroy it back in the 1970's.

At that moment in time, all of my other concerns seemed trivial, because I began to emerge even further from my 1980's & 1990's COMA. Much has happened to me since 1993. The fast lane and buppie lifestyle afforded to me by my Wall Street mentality of the early 1990's seem to be a distant memory. My focus is far different now.

I write this because today is the Fourth of July. The Fourth of July was always my very favorite holiday of the year. When I was a teenager, it was a day of bbq's, block parties, and more. As an adult, I would always have a BIG BLOWOUT PARTY at my house each year. Each year the party
would be bigger and bigger, with more and more buppies, but also with many good friends and relatives. In retrospect, those parties were an exercise in conspicuous consumption. Clarity comes with time.

This year as I sit here on the Fourth of July, I sit here in somber reflection over the events of the past year and think about how much my life has changed since 1993.

At the heart of that change has been a rediscovery for me. I have indeed remembered the things that I thought that I forgot.

And it is the details of those memories that shape the focus of my activities today. It has nothing to do with nostalgia. It has everything to do with the future. My future as an individual and my future as an American.

I think that my own generation, the one which was supposed to change the world, is actually the cause of much of what is wrong with the world right now. I think that it is the responsibility of my generation, now approaching the age of 50, to fix the mess that we have created.

I think that we need to act quickly and decisively because time might just be running out on us. Since 1991 I have been living in the suburbs of Philadelphia.

I now truly understand why the concept of America is something that we should all cherish. The concept of America, while sometimes being quite distant from the reality of America is what allows us all to sometimes do stupid things, and then later redeem ourselves.

In the 1970's this country tried to redeem itself. That is something worth remembering. In 2002 this country once again has an opportunity to redeem itself.

I think that they remember what America is supposed to be like. And I think that they have begun to remember that America can't be the way it's supposed to be unless we are all in it together. It's actually one heck of a concept.

However it's a concept that becomes meaningless unless each person is willing to commit on an individual basis.

Finding a way to commit is difficult for people who are still asleep.

In the 1970's we knew that we all had to be in it together.

In the 1980's and 1990's, we forgot that. In 2001 we remebered it. And I think that things will be different going forward. I am once again, an optimist and today I will be wearing my rose colored starchild sunglasses. What a long and strange trip it has been.

Bob Davis
July 4 2002

 

More news...